Dover Bitch

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I've been way too busy to blog, which is a drag because this has been a remarkable time.

But since I have about five free minutes, here's my favorite thing about the McCain campaign: It's like the old game Asteroids.

All the talking heads are wondering what McCain is going to do to hit a home run tonight. Chris Matthews just asked what big new proposal he would come up with to grab the headlines.

In other words, the world is zooming around Battleship McCain like a zillion asteroids and all he's got left is the hyperspace button. He's hit it dozens of times already and all it's done is what it's designed to do: move him to another random part of the screen. It doesn't actually blow up any asteroids, nor does it destroy the little flying saucer coming to get him.

It's one of the Four Modes of the McCain campaign:

  1. Attack Mode. Truth be damned.
  2. Man of Action Mode. Something happened somewhere in the world? Quick! Grab a mic and look busy!
  3. Manufactured Outrage Mode. Palin is not a pig, sexist! I had no kitchen table for five-and-a-half years!
  4. Hyperspace! I pick Palin! Campaign suspended! We're buying your shitty mortgage!

Every single thing McCain has done this year falls into one or more of these four modes. Notice that there is absolutely no Introduce Well-Thought-Out Policy That Is New And Will Make Things Better Mode. Wonder why that is.